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November 15, 2008

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Alessandro Machi

One thing about who the aggressor really was. It was the men for holding onto chairs they did not need. They created a "lying in wait" situation in which others are either humiliated into leaving because they cannot sit while empty chairs abound nearby, or they are accused of aggression if they try to get the chairs. Lets not make this about the water, that is a subset of what happened before.

And the election of Barack Obama has awakened some horrible behavior in men under 30, especially if they know you supported Hillary Clinton. I went to a rally and witnessed it firsthand as some passengers in cars driving by yelled at the women at the rally gender related obscenities.

http://www.DailyPUMA.com

Mary

Dear Dr Long,

A few points in relation to the story about the restaruant.

Point (1) If people in a restaruant are holding chairs and are asked to release them and say they are waiting for friends, whether it's true or not, then so be it. I don't think it is either polite or wise to take a chair anyway, this action is guaranteed to create trouble.


Point (2) The man called the woman a c---, and that's undeniably agressive and unmanly behavior. However, I'm not surprised by this, (a) because she did take the chair from his table, and b) because the 'c' word appears to be commonn enough for some people. Women have been know to refer to men as a p----. I think both of these words are equally inappropriate.

Point (3) I think throwing water over someone is an act of agression, it is bullying, and humillitaing for the victim. And it is technically an assualt. I think the response of the man was very agressive and based on this man having already demonstrated his anger, I'd say predictable. A woman who throws water on another person, even if they have been called a vile name, needs to be ready for the strong and possibly violent response they are likely to receive from a man or woman.

This incident happened because of a desire for a particular chair.

t mcgrane

ageism and sexism at work again. in many ways this is the reason that mamy media elite does not like a sarah palin or a t mcgrane. we would have pull out the gun and take them down like the dog that they are. men not all of them, but enough of them are bullies. they will continue in this matter until we shoot a few of them for good measure. my husband is a gentle soul, but i assure that he would kill any bastard with his bare hands if they dare to treat me that way. of course they have to survive a beating from me first before he can kill them.
ms. long my advice to you is buy a gun, and don't count on the police for help.

gxm17

I was born in DC and live in the DC metro area. Please publish the name of this restaurant so that I can boycott it.

In Virginia I was told by a police officer that name calling, if it is done in an aggressive or threatening manner, is considered assault. I don't know what the laws are in DC but certainly one should be able to patronize a restaurant or any business establishment free from derogatory and vile insults.

I completely agree with your premise that the rampant sexism and misogyny condoned AND used by ObamaNation has made this sort of behavior more socially acceptable. Women AND men need to fight back and stand up against this unrestrained gender hate. The lives of our daughters and granddaughters depend on it.

xax

Seriously Zeya.

She describes a story with a general message of the mistreatment of women and you turn it into a political message? You could take Obama out of the political race, and the treatment of Clinton and Palin was still reprehensible. Period. That's what this is about. And when you have those in the same field, enemy or not, who are not willing to stand up-STAND UP- and speak out against clearly hateful acts, what does that say about society. It says that women are expendable. (And I'm putting McCain in this mix too becuase I felt he didn't do enough, along with Obama who didn't do anything at all.)

You can quote multiple policies and votes, but what I understand about Obama is that he's a technician. So while he votes for the right bills to make it seem like he actually cares about women, why was he mysteriously silent when the press went after Hillary? Why did he not come out against that rap song which called Clinton a bitch and said McCain should be confined to the chair? Why did he not speak out against the effigy of Palin? Why did his opinions on abortion suddenly change from unequivocal access to limited access? You know why, it's because it helped him politically. When it comes to issues, he only cares about them if it means that you'll vote for him. (ie: Should Isreal remain undivided or not and his 24 hr switcheroo) The destruction of Clinton, Palin and even McCain helped him. And this was not limited to a few on the extremes; this was a daily mainstream assault.

This is not the time, nor place, to try and advertise for Obama. Save the postering, pandering and fake sympathy for another site.

Zeya

Dear Ms. Long,
What happened to your friend at the restaurant was indeed reprehensible, but it's pretty outrageous and, in my opinion, unconscionable that you would actually suggest this type of violent behavior towards women will become more commonplace now that Barack Obama is our President-elect. The "c" word was not coined or used for the very first time during this presidential campaign. In fact, your candidate John McCain used the word on several occasions in the recent past, most outrageously against his own wife. And I have attempted to post several comments on your web site referencing his reprehensible behavior, but to date you've refused to post any of my comments. Why don't you ask Mr. McCain why he voted against the federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), not only when it was first enacted in 1994 but each time it has subsequently been re-authorized. Jo Biden, as I hope you are aware, actually co-authored the original landmark legislation. And Barack Obama voted to reauthorize VAWA in 2005 as well as previously co-sponsored legislation in Illinois to promote economic justice for survivors of domestic and sexual violence. I wish you would give up on your completely irrational campaign to crucify Obama. It's really quite sad and actually counter-productive if you're seriously committed to preventing hate crimes against women. Anyway, I'm sure you will refuse to post this comment, but I still feel compelled to offer my critique.
Kind regards,
Zeya

Zeya

Dear Ms. Long,
What happened to your friend at the restaurant was indeed reprehensible, but it's pretty outrageous and, in my opinion, unconscionable that you would actually suggest this type of violent behavior towards women will become more commonplace now that Barack Obama is our President-elect. The "c" word was not coined or used for the very first time during this presidential campaign. In fact, your candidate John McCain used the word on several occasions in the recent past, most outrageously against his own wife. And I have attempted to post several comments on your web site referencing his reprehensible behavior, but to date you've refused to post any of my comments. Why don't you ask Mr. McCain why he voted against the federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), not only when it was first enacted in 1994 but each time it has subsequently been re-authorized. Jo Biden, as I hope you are aware, actually co-authored the original landmark legislation. And Barack Obama voted to reauthorize VAWA in 2005 as well as previously co-sponsored legislation in Illinois to promote economic justice for survivors of domestic and sexual violence. I wish you would give up on your completely irrational campaign to crucify Obama. It's really quite sad and actually counter-productive if you're seriously committed to preventing hate crimes against women. Anyway, I'm sure you will refuse to post this comment, but I still feel compelled to offer my critique.
Kind regards,
Zeya

DebiN

Lynette,

A year ago, I told a friend that our future granddaughters may be wearing burkas. She looked at me as if I were crazy (understandably). However, this election has put a stamp-of-approval on the treatment of women as second-class citizens. Very few men and women in the media, and very few male politicians, spoke out against the blatant sexist treatment of Clinton and Palin.

Women around this country need to turn our backs on both major political parties and run our own Independent female candidate in 2012. It's time to demand respect, and we have four years to prepare.

Black House

Dr Long,

Legally, will the message get lost that your friend, by the legal definition assaulted the other patron? A simple But...For test here applies. Had your friend not dumped water on the man, she would have not gotten physically assaulted.

That doesn't excuse sexism, the use of the C word, the fact that he escalated the violence. But, this was a situation that could have been avoided by not stooping to his ignorant, childish behavior. If it were two men, would it have been acceptable then to pour water on someones head, and have it escalate to a fight? No, but a lot of us have learned to walk away from that situation. You went to another restaurant after this happened. It seems that if the restaurant was not willing to intervene to do something as simple as provide a seat for your friends, why stay at the restaurant?

You should provide the name of the spot. Also, was this covered in the daily blotter of the paper. If not, why not? this is the type of situation that can be controlled by the pocketbook.

Swannie

You absolutely need to out the restaurant. I live in a resort area, Ocean City Maryland , and these places live by their reputations. This would have been in every paper in town if it had been here. They have to have consequences for their behavior. Pouring water on someone is not the equivalent of assault and battery.

BettyJean Kling

Horrible story- I can hardly believe it happened- but since it did - I would publish the name of the restaurant and they should loose some business for not being female friendly.

Until we assert ourselves in the word around us in an effective way - we will contine to get punched in the face-verbally if not physically.

Let's hit back and let's do it where it counts by hitting them in their pockets. Turn the joint into a Gentlemen's errr jerks hangout! By the time we get done with them they will hurt in the pocket book!

Your friend should never have been frustrated to the point of assaulting the maner brute but if we want ERA then we keep our hands to ourselves.

Next time - just start blogging away right there at the establishment and tell them who you are what you intend to do about it- and then have some of us call the manager over the phone and tell him that we are blogging by the thousands as you leave the place without having been seated or served but also unbruised both physically and in spirit!

It pisses me off that they won that round- it really pisses me off and I was not even there- boy I want to know where this joint is?

libbygurl

What a horrid experience for you and your friends, Dr Long! Thank you for sharing it with us, but PLEASE, do reveal the NAME of this execrable RESTAURANT that has seen fit to approve of such male bullying and assault of a few women! I used to reside in NW Washington-Maryland suburbs and am familiar with many places there. Knowing the name of the restaurant will allow PUMAs and others interested to spread the word about this place, online and off, and send letters/emails/comments to the restaurant manager/owner(s) expressing disgust with the way the situation was (mis)handled, and fight to have it go out of business if we can. And to deluge the police department in charge of this place with mail and emails expressing outrage over their refusal to treat with respect, fairness and protect the aggrieved, assaulted parties, as they should have.

This incident, make no mistake, is thanks to the fine example set by the Obama campaign and surrogates - it is now open season on women in the USA! I fear that this is only the beginning of such incidents. Will more women arm themselves now to protect from such ghastly behaviour and attacks?

Sophia

Lynnette - we need to know where this happened. Was a police report filed? If so the incident is a matter of public record.

Al

Congratulations to Governor Sarah Palin on her historic bid to become the nation's first female Vice-President. Wish her and her family all the best.

Al

lunahil

Welcome to Obamanation.
Please reveal the name of the restaurant so local PUMAs can take action as described by Alessandro.

NewOrleansPuma

It does little good, Lynette, to post this story without posting the NAME OF THE RESTAURANT...THIS SO CALLED POPULAR RESTAURANT. Talking about violence against women or any other manner of beavior is one thing, but when one literally knows where this event happened and does not OUT THIS PLACE for the safety of women or for a boycott..since you say it is popular, then, frankly, I find the story too "in the head"...and a bit pseudo intellectual on your part. You need to state where this restauant is..its name..who owns it ...and anything else you know, otherwise, frankly, your piece here is self serving, in my view.

Lori McMaster

Lynette,
This is Lori from Washington State. This is just horrible. I to believe that because of how women were treated this year has spun a real negative and set women back two decades. This just upsets me terrible and for no one to defend her is outragous. We must continue our fight to end this kind of treatment. We are still working together in the meetup group women 1143. Right now we are working on the caucus in Washington state where we voted to have just primaries but the DNC came in and changed it. I have seen how men have become more agressive and talk to women this way and not even think twice about it. Our group will fight this kind of behavor to the end. We shall say no more!
Lori

no pasaran

What a horrible experience. The men you describe are such cowards and bullies and I bet they feel oh so mighty and manly when they're in a group. I, too, fear for the safety of all women and also expect it to get worse as a direct result of the sadistic and hateful Obama campaign and the gleefully complicit press.

Masha

Your friend was lucky that she wasn't gang-raped. Those guys might have thought she "deserved it". I still shudder when I remember Sarah Silverman's "comedy act" regarding Sarah Palin.

Kathy in CA

As a mother of 3 children - this is bullying, pure and simple. Unfortunately, there was no school principal there to see it for what it was. This past election showed the world that bully behavior works. The caucaus fraud, voter registration fraud, sexism towards Hillary and Sarah. This behavior is so bad that even when it is pointed out to the media, etc - no one can even recongize it anymore. Thanks, Lynette, for this web site and all you are doing to defend women's rights.

Alessandro Machi

Take pictures of the bruises and the broken glasses to start. Assuming the time line that you describe is accurate, that the men hogged the chairs for half an hour, MENTION THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT in your article.

Then, if other PUMA's want to show their solidarity, they can go to that restaurant, be seated, look at the menu, take as much time as possible, then leave without ordering anything. Some might suggest you try a more aggressive approach and order your food and then as soon as it arrives, get up and leave. However I can't advocate you do that since that might be considered fraud or against the law.

If a different group of PUMA's did this once a day, everyday for a month at that same restaurant, change would happen.

Spitting is considered assault, pouring water on someone's head is considered assault as well. However, beating someone and physically dragging them across the floor cannot be considered a logical response.

Ask if this restaurant has security cameras and request a copy of the tape. You CAN sue the restaurant for not properly maintaining a safe environment.

If a drunken patron at an upscale LA restaurant can sue for how they were manhandled by security, your friend can sue the restaurant, and should sue the restaurant, for not enforcing common decency.

Snap those pictures of the friends bruises while they are fresh.

One more thing. It appears the "friend" never arrived. Perhaps the three hoodlums called that person and told them not to go, or, the friend didn't exist. If the friend did exist, it is possible the friend would have arrived, looked around, and perhaps asked if anybody had seen his friends since he would not have known what happened.

If nobody showed up in the next few minutes, then it just creates more evidence that the hoodlums were hogging the chairs and had nobody showing up.

http://www.DailyPUMA.com

Mikey

The war between the sexes could never end that is how it was planned for us all.

Anna

Lynette

What a horrible tale, but I fear you are right whiling hoping you are wrong in your sense that more is on the way and that this election year has embolded men to feel quite free to demean, diminish, dismiss and disregard women. I wrote an op-ed piece early this year entitled, "Primary Season Becomes Open Season for Beating Up on Women" and in the piece I half symbolically and half seriously wondered if more women were being battered in America because of the increasingly permissive atmosphere to degrade women pepetuated by the mainstream media and major political leaders. The notion was written off by bloggers where the piece was printed. But I still stand by it. Your story chills me to the bone.

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